yesterday, i came down with a tragic case of tiff-ness.
i was getting ready for work, and a friend of mine stopped by to drop something off for me. i live in one of those apartments where you have to get buzzed in from the door, but our buzzer thing has been selectively broken for years, so my friend called me when he arrived and i ran down to open the door for him.
at the door, he informed me that his girlfriend's baby was in the car.
it just so happens that one of my best friends from high school is the father of this baby, and i had never seen said baby before, so, of course i was overcome by baby craziness and i ran out the door to take a peek.*
the baby was VERY cute.
however, it was not cute enough to warrant what happened next, which was that as i was telling the baby's mama how adorable her baby was, i ended up saying something like:
oh my goodness, what a big smile! she's so precious and holy shit i just locked myself out of my apartment.
see, i hadn't planned on doing anything more than opening the door for my friend. i certainly hadn't planned on going outside.
which totally explains how i ended up outside, wearing shorts and a tank top on a forty-five degree day, with a towel wrapped around my wet hair, wearing no shoes, and holding no keys with which to let myself back into my apartment.
i had about an hour before i would have to leave for work (another task made difficult by lack of keys and proper attire) and about an hour and a half before baby girl would be home from work with her keys.
a quick scan of the parking lot suggested that none of the other people who live in my building were home to let me in.
then my friend suggested that he could climb up onto my back balcony and get in if the doorwall was unlocked. i nearly peed my pants with joy, because i know that door is almost never locked because baby girl's boyfriend goes out there to smoke, and also because, why lock a second story sliding door?**
so, we ran around the apartment, and my amazing spiderman friend actually found enough brute strength to get himself up onto the balcony.
you knew there would be a but, didn't you?
the door was locked.
for i am a paranoid freak, and when i come home from work at four am i am always afraid that someone's going to get me and sometimes i have a little bit of OCD when it comes to checking to make sure doors are locked.
but, you know, sometimes i don't, so there was a totally decent chance the door would have been unlocked.
so anyway, there i was, standing barefoot in the sea of dead wet pine needles that is my backyard, wondering how much it would cost to repair the lock if i let my friend destroy it in order to get me into my apartment, when i spy the little man who lives underneath us peering out of his hallway.
he hadn't seen me yet, but apparently he had seen the strange man hoist himself up onto my balcony. he said he knew i was home and was just sitting there, frozen, wondering if he should call the police or something.
then i waved and jumped around a little and he came to the door and let me back in.
my friend left, i had time to blow-dry my hair and get dressed before work, and i even went to starbucks.
*i honestly do not know the details of this crazy story, so please don't ask.
**because apparantly it is really not all that difficult to climb up there, that's why.