who decided that this man should ever be allowed to speak? oh, yeah. it was us. oops!

ok, so we're about 6 minutes away from gwb's 6th state of the union adddress.
here's hoping that we get to see some fun stuff like this...



i think i'm going to go make myself a drink.

8:59pm they were just talking about how this might be the most hostile audience at a state of the union address since nixon. if gwb were a smart man, he would have made sure the audience had the proper supplies.
see below.



because, i don't like that man, but i can tell you that i'm not feeling hostile at all.
not yet, anyway.

9:09pm here he comes. i got a little bit of a pukey feeling when i saw his smug little face, but no hostility.

9:12pm i must say, it's pretty awesome to see the first woman speaker EVER introduce the president. whether you're liberal or conservative--this is definitely a historical moment. and gw is being awfully gracious. good for him. hostility level? still zero.

9:16pm 3 minutes down, no major speaking problems yet. i can feel it coming though, can't you?

9:17pm no, i don't feel bad for saying that.

9:18pm we should balance the federal budget? what? i've never heard such a thing! you are such an innovator! especially since you just said you can do it without raising taxes--oh, wait, i just got a song stuck in my head. it goes like this: liar, liar, pants on fire...

9:20pm he made a joke. and didn't suck. ear marks do suck, though. so i guess i just agreed with him on something.

9:21pm you know, i've never met anyone who worked in a public school (and i know a lot of them) who didn't think 'no child left behind' was a terrible idea.
***my mom just said you can teach chimpanzees to pass tests. is that all that matters?

9:24pm health insurance is a good thing. other than that, i have no idea what's going on right now.

9:27pm ooooh, here comes the immigration part.

9:27pm still raise your hand if you can't trace your family heritage back to immigrants who came here from some place or another.
***come on, i know there must be at least one or two of you out there!

9:29pm did he just say we need to uphold the tradition of the melting pot, by helping immigrants assimilate into our society? i thought i heard him say that. hmmmm.

9:31pm bio-diesel fuel...grass...woodchips...blah blah....no idea what's going on. wait...reduce dependency on foreign oil? reduce ammount of oil we use? am i hallucinating? seriously, i've only had, like, 3 sips of my drink so far.

9:33pm holy poop, i think i just heard gw say the words 'global climate change' in a way that made it sound like he actually believes it could possibly exist. is it my birthday? i'm seriously a little freaked out right now.

9:35pm now we're talking about 'taking the fight to the enemy.'

9:36pm can't we all just get along?

9:36pm alright, here's the gw i know, providing us with a long list of terrorist threats we should be crapping our pants over.

9:41pm this is me, TOTALLY BORED OUT OF MY MIND WITH HEARING ABOUT THIS FUCKING WAR.



9:43PM iraq iraq iraq hezbollah syria iraq iraq iraq sunni legitimate government sectarian violence it's the fight we're in we all wish this war was over and won but it doesn't make sense to leave now and abandon our friends* blah blah towards victory blah.
*yeah, packing up and moving all our troops right at this very second probably isn't a good idea. but is it really any more nonsensical than starting this war to begin with?

9:46pm insurgents and roaming death squads. yummy!!!

9:47pm i have to pee.

9:48pm yes, i understand that failure in iraq would be bad. that it would make us look bad, and leave the region really unstable. but, we look really bad NOW. and the region is really unstable NOW. for the record, i'm not saying i have a better idea--i'm just saying six in one, a half dozen in another. but, if one of those six includes LESS DEATH AND DESTRUCTION...i'd probably choose that one. call me sentimental.

9:49pm sweeeeeeeet, he just threatened us with 9/11 again. and i would too, if i were him. we bow down like a bunch of cowards and go along with anything when threatened with that stuff.

9:52pm dude. i totally think gw is, like, listening to my thoughts. i just said i was bored of hearing about the war in iraq, and so now he's talking about how we have to stop iran! he is so considerate of my feelings.

9:54pm dude. he just mentioned darphur. maybe he really is reading my mind.

9:56pm ELIMINATE POVERTY!!!!! sounds good. let's do it.

9:57pm still have to pee.

9:58pm missing and exploited children make me very sad.

9:59pm yay for this julie lady who is doing something i didn't quite hear to help missing and exploited children. also, yay for this guy who jumped in front of a train or something to save someone.

10:00 i don't understand war, at all. i wish we could do away with it altogether. still, i can't help but get i little bit teary when i see the entire congress turned around to applaud that sergeant that they had seated up next to laura and lynne. i'm sure he deserved it, and i hope it was as special a moment for him as it looked.

10:02 and he's done.

10:04pm and i'm going potty.

p.s. i really feel that none of you should be denied the rule that d.b. echo came up with for the state of the union drinking game:

If the President uses the word “nucular” at any point, stand up and shout at the TV “IT’S ‘NUCLEAR’, YOU F***ING MORON! NUUU-KLEEE-ERRRR! HOW HARD IS THAT TO PRONOUNCE???!!!” Drink the entire contents of the nearest bottle of alcohol and hurl the empty bottle at the TV. Then stomp off to bed, cursing the more than six million fellow-morons who voted for Bush in 2004. Lie awake wondering how you’ll pay for a new TV.

seriously, it is a good thing i had just gone to the bathroom, otherwise we all know what would have happened.