so, we all know i'm not writing the great american novel here.
if i had to, i would probably say that this blog is made 90% of little stories about crazy people and things that i encounter in my day-to-day life, with a few deeper posts thrown in every once in a while.
it's not rocket science--i'm just a girl who thinks things would go a lot smoother if people would just bow down and do my bidding, already.
no, i did not just say that.
i've noticed a little trend here at 'if i were queen of the world.'
see, people don't often get here through any kind of a google search. i think most of my readers got here by clicking through from a commment i left somewhere else, or from a link to me on someone else's page.
i think it's only about once a week that someone ends up here through a google search. i guess if i were less lazy, i would try to figure out why that is, and how to make my blog a little more googlicious.
but, for now, i would simply like to ponder this fact:
9 times out of 10, if a google search leads someone here, the search was for either 'shit smearing' or 'poop smearing,' and the person is directly led to this entry, where--sadly--i do talk in some detail about that very thing.*
my feelings on this little phenomenon are mixed. on one hand, i'm glad that people are still sometimes finding my 'rules for acceptable bathroom behavior.' i mean, in the beginning--before i had more than two readers, before the memes, before the dreaded self-editing and everything else we take on when we begin to exist in any kind of public forum, the 'guide to acceptable bathroom behavior' post was really what this blog was meant to be about. it's not my best writing, but it does embody my original intent: tell a story of something in society (however trivial) that i don't like, and explain how it would be different if i were, in fact, queen of the world.
in the first five or six months that i started blogging regularly, i wrote a fair amount of posts which stuck to this format. for example, i had some advice for airline companies here and here, while here and here i offered some rules for proper restaurant and bar behavior. sometimes i needed to vent about a dumb t.v. show, and other times i offered advice to a fellow classmate who was extremely socially inept.
and, you know? i like all of those posts. (even though this one is my favorite)
still, on the other hand, there's a part of me that feels a little let down by the 'shit smearing' phenomenon.
i mean, with all of the crap i've said here, is this really the only google worthy phrase i've ever written?
in the end, i guess it comes down to this:
i don't know who these people are, or why they are so interested in 'shit smearing,' but i hope once google leads them my way, they leave with the important lesson that one should never, under any circumstances, smear their poop on any surface, at any time, for any reason. and if that's the only thing i have to offer the world? well, i still think it's valuable.
*when i say '9 out of 10 times,' that is--of course--a rough estimate. because i am terrified of all things mathematical.