Saturday, February 03, 2007


so, we all know i'm not writing the great american novel here.

if i had to, i would probably say that this blog is made 90% of little stories about crazy people and things that i encounter in my day-to-day life, with a few deeper posts thrown in every once in a while.

it's not rocket science--i'm just a girl who thinks things would go a lot smoother if people would just bow down and do my bidding, already.

ahem. what?
no, i did not just say that.


i've noticed a little trend here at 'if i were queen of the world.'
see, people don't often get here through any kind of a google search. i think most of my readers got here by clicking through from a commment i left somewhere else, or from a link to me on someone else's page.
i think it's only about once a week that someone ends up here through a google search. i guess if i were less lazy, i would try to figure out why that is, and how to make my blog a little more googlicious.

but, for now, i would simply like to ponder this fact:

9 times out of 10, if a google search leads someone here, the search was for either 'shit smearing' or 'poop smearing,' and the person is directly led to this entry, where--sadly--i do talk in some detail about that very thing.*

my feelings on this little phenomenon are mixed. on one hand, i'm glad that people are still sometimes finding my 'rules for acceptable bathroom behavior.' i mean, in the beginning--before i had more than two readers, before the memes, before the dreaded self-editing and everything else we take on when we begin to exist in any kind of public forum, the 'guide to acceptable bathroom behavior' post was really what this blog was meant to be about. it's not my best writing, but it does embody my original intent: tell a story of something in society (however trivial) that i don't like, and explain how it would be different if i were, in fact, queen of the world.
in the first five or six months that i started blogging regularly, i wrote a fair amount of posts which stuck to this format. for example, i had some advice for airline companies here and here, while here and here i offered some rules for proper restaurant and bar behavior. sometimes i needed to vent about a dumb t.v. show, and other times i offered advice to a fellow classmate who was extremely socially inept.
and, you know? i like all of those posts. (even though this one is my favorite)
still, on the other hand, there's a part of me that feels a little let down by the 'shit smearing' phenomenon.
i mean, with all of the crap i've said here, is this really the only google worthy phrase i've ever written?

oh well.

in the end, i guess it comes down to this:

i don't know who these people are, or why they are so interested in 'shit smearing,' but i hope once google leads them my way, they leave with the important lesson that one should never, under any circumstances, smear their poop on any surface, at any time, for any reason. and if that's the only thing i have to offer the world? well, i still think it's valuable.

*when i say '9 out of 10 times,' that is--of course--a rough estimate. because i am terrified of all things mathematical.


Blogger D.B. Echo said...

How weird is it that I was just reading about one of the most famous shit-smearing incidents in history, the Tawana Brawley case? (This was with respect to Al Sharpton and the Joe Biden "clean" comment about Barack Obama, which I interpeted as meaning "not dirtied by past scandals", say, Al "Tawana Brawley" Sharpton and Jesse "Hymie Town" Jackson.)

11:20 AM  
Blogger Mad Scientist said...

Googlicious Tiff, googlicious Tiff, googlicious tiff tiff tiff tiff tiff tiff tiff tiff tiff.....

Sorry. Couldn't resist.

9:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

let me expound with .... love u soooo much tiff!

1:10 AM  
Blogger Pete said...

well, let me say, that if even one person stops then it was worth it!!

11:17 AM  
Blogger A Family's Year of Living Green said...

RYC: Thank you. It doesn't feel like winning though. Probably because B has to loose because his Dad is a dirty fuck stick.
Poo smearing! I wonder what those people were really looking for? Pictures????

11:18 AM  
Blogger David said...

I have much better google hits like the following:
drug addicts having sex
geek sex
sex sex sex archive
stastics about abortion
sex sex sex me

12:00 PM  
Blogger tiffany said...

oh my goodness, david.
i am so jealous.

i feel so insignificant now.

1:16 PM  
Blogger whimsicalnbrainpan said...

Most of the hits I get are about medical things.

4:10 PM  
Blogger D.B. Echo said...

One of my favorite search strings - I saved a snapshot of it - is "how do i prevent my kids from growing up to be weak spineless jelly babies". It was from somewhere in Georgia. Seems to me if you have to turn to the Internet to look for an answer to that question, the battle is already lost. (And who in the U.S. outside of Doctor Who fans uses the term "jelly babies"?

7:55 PM  

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