scenes from the bar

scene one, in which i think a man has me confused with someone else...

man who has been drinking in the bar for quite some time:
here's another $10, because you haven't gotten a bad attitude with us all night. you're doing a really great job. thank-you.

me: (inwardly)
is this guy on crack?*

me: (out loud)
um, ok. thanks.

same man, a few minutes later:
i'm opening a bar, and i'm going to have you come and work for me because you have such a great attitude.**

me:
actually, i've worked for my boss since i was 18, so i think i'm going to have to stay with him until i find a 'real' job.

him:
well, just keep it in mind. it's going to be a really cool club in mt. clemens.

me:
sir. i bartend in ann arbor...why exactly would i want to leave here and go bartend in mt. clemens? that doesn't make any sense. but thanks for the offer.


scene 2, in which i talk dirty...

totally different guy who'd been drinking for quite some time:
tiffany, you are my angel. i'm not trying to be rude, but i would like to make sweet love to you.***

me:
actually, i don't like making sweet love. i prefer butt sex.****


scene 3, in which i come home and blog about it...

me, sitting in front of my computer right now:
good god i'm glad this night is over.

*no, really. something was wrong with that guy.
**clearly, this man thought i was someone else. i DO NOT have a good attitude, and i resent not being recognized as my fabulously bitchy self.
***yes, he really and actually said that. verbatum.
****yes, i really and actually said that back. because, it is SOOOOO much more fun to shock someone back when they think they can get away with talking to you in an inappropriate way.
sure, i could have gotten offended and thrown his beer on him or something. but this was much more fun. oh, and i forgot to tell you that i also cut him off.