Saturday, February 10, 2007

better then a two year old.

~a few days ago, miss zoot shared a story about how she hates scary movies. i also hate scary movies, and i was going to leave a comment about one of my worse scary movie experiences, but i decided she probably wouldn't want a twelve page comment, so i decided to come back here and write my own post.~

ahem.

i hate scary movies. and when i say hate, what i mean is HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE.

john says i am like a two year old girl with tinkle in her diapers when it comes to watching scary movies, to which i say oh hell no, two year old girls have NOTHING on me. i mean, two year olds can't possibly comprehend the scariness of a scary movie. so, while they might be a little frightened if they see a monster or something, there is NO WAY that they are as scared as i am.

now, i don't want to go into detail about all the scary movie experiences i've been forced to suffer through in my life. like the time some of my friends decided to watch a freddy krueger movie at a sleepover when i was in 5th grade. i layed awake in my sleeping bag all night long, positive that i would not live through the night. i still have the occasional freddy krueger nightmare. seriously.
there was also the last unicorn, which traumatized the nights of my childhood in horrible, horrible ways.
i was just watching the trailer on youtube (through the tiny gaps between my fingers, which were clinched over my eyes) and john nearly peed his pants laughing at me for being scared OF A CARTOON MOVIE ABOUT A UNICORN.
so you can imagine how funny he thought it was when i told him that when i was little, i was afraid to get out of my bed to go to the bathroom at night because i thought that when you flushed the toilet, you had to run back to your bedroom as fast as you could and get completely covered by your blankets before the sound of the toilet flushing stopped--otherwise, the red bull could come out of the furnace in the basement and get you.

no, i am not kidding.

and anyway, none of that even comes close to the horror that this movie has brought into my life:



i actually rented this movie with some friends. i have no idea what on earth possessed me to do such a thing, but i will regret it for the rest of my entire life.
of all the messed up and embarrassing and hurtful things i've done in my life, i'm 97% sure that, if given the chance to go back and undo one thing, i would erase this movie from my memory. it seriously scares me that much.

the night that we watched it, we were sitting on a big sectional couch in a re-done basement.
as the movie progressed, all three of us became more and more frightened.
you could see us gradually getting more and more tense--pulling our feet up off the floor, tucking ourselves further and further underneath our blankets.
by the time the movie was 2/3 of the way over, all of us were done--we did not want to watch the movie anymore, but we were all too scared to get up and turn it off. (the batteries in the remote were dead)
so, like a bunch of jackasses, we sat there and watched until the end.

i swear, i have never been the same since--i mean, i nearly died once, because of this movie!
see, john used to live out in the middle of nowhere. i had to drive exactly 5 miles down a dirt road with nothing around everytime i went to go see him. it ALWAYS freaked me out to do this at night, so much so that i would always call when i was on my way, so that he could watch for me and come outside when i got there. if he wasn't outside, i would wait in my car because i was too scared to get out and walk across the huge lawn-ish area into the house.
one night, when i was on my way there, some kind of big bat or bird ran straight into the middle of my windsheild, wings out-stretched, just like what happens to richard gere and debra messing at the beginning of the movie.

i think i had a mild-stroke.
and then i drove 70 miles an hour the rest of the way DOWN A DIRT ROAD, unable to really see because i was crying so hard.

i have two words for you:
not. safe.

anyway, i wish i was kidding, but i seriously do not like scary movies.

i have gotten a little better,
hell--i now live in the basement, 6 feet away from the furnace where the red bull lives, and i swear i was only terrified for the first week. i'm totally fine now.

except, when i was finding the trailer for 'the mothman,' i did a youtube search and then i turned around and made john watch to find the right one. and when he turned the light off, i screamed (a little) TURN THE LIGHT BACK ON!!!!
because, you know, i can't write about scary things like freddy krueger and the last unicorn and the mothman in the dark.


these days, i'm still afraid of things, but i laugh at myself more than find myself traumatized by it.
on tuesday, i was laying in bed watching the beginning of the goonies, while john worked on the computer. he came to bed, and we talked about how much we like that movie. then we started to fall asleep, when i lifted my head up and said babe, you've got to turn the t.v. off. i can't go to sleep with this movie on, because it has scary stuff. and also skeletons.
he thought that was pretty funny, but he turned off the television anyway,
we layed there and laughed for a minute, and i said babe, turn the light on and hand me a pen, so i can remember to put that on my blog later.

he said, i can't turn on the light, because it's going to be too bright and it'll hurt my eyes.

to which i argued, no, it won't, because i've got my eyes covered.

and then we were laughing about something else entirely.

9 comments:

Ashley said...

I'm the exact same way about being scared. If I do get the courage to watch a scary movie it has to be during the day and I have to have my back against a wall because I'm afraid something will sneak up on me.
Also if I'm driving alone at night I have to keep adjusting my rearview mirror to make sure nothing is in the back seat.

Soleilmavis said...

Nice blog

Amber said...

okay. I have never seen that movie, but now I have to because it feels like a dare...

tiffany said...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

do. not. do. it.

i'm serious, girl.
i don't mean this in a bad way, but you're about as mentally stable as i am--stay away from the damn mothman!

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

Gret post! I'm sorry but I love horror movies.

Just Another Girl said...

I love, love, love scary movies. CC, hoewever, does not. Candy ass.

CSL said...

When I was 6 our babysitter let us watch the Alfred Hitchcock "The Birds." I thik it scarred me for life. I don't mind suspense movies, but can't watch horror movies.

XTINA said...

Woah Tiff,
I watched the clip of the mothman and although it looks very freaky I want to see it now. But I freak myself out all the time, looking into my backseat before actually getting into the car. I also think someone is following me if they are behind me for too long so I will drive somewhere I'm not even headed to see if they will turn!

Jen!! said...

Duuuude. The Last Unicorn was freakin awesome. That movie haunted me my whole childhood until I finally found it and watched it again a couple years ago. It's Disney too, can you believe that!? It is the freakiest Disney movie I've ever seen. That witch, "Mommie" or whatever her name was, freaked me out the most. Talk about scary... and it's a KID'S MOVIE!

But by far, the scariest movie for me is The Ring. Although other people have seen it and they laugh at me for being so scared. But I can't even TALK about that movie. Just... no.