Well, here we are. Just another Friday night. Except, not just another Friday night.
The fact that I am blogging at 1am should have everyone immediately alarmed. Because, I think we all know that Tiffany does not belong in front of her computer at 1am on a Friday night.
But, sadly, it's true.
I am at home, for I am sick.
My roommate is also home, and we both just slept through what might have been a very good movie. It was called Prime, and I'm pretty sure it had some people in it and some things happened to them--there was definitely some kind of psychiatry being practiced--but don't take my word for it.
Anyhow, the point is, I will now take advantage of my sick-at-homeness to present to you a list of things that I am very sick of.*
That's right, people.
The Bitch is back.
*As always, this list is not presented in any sort of heirarchical order--too much thinking, but you all know the drill by now.
So, lets get this party started...
I Am Sick Of:
1. Previews on DVD's that show you a trailor for some film and at the end tell you that the film is 'now in theaters.' Because, really? Don't they know that the DVD is going to physically exist for a long time--so long, in fact, that the majority of the people who ever watch said DVD will watch it at a time when the previewed movie is no longer in theaters? I mean, this endeavor is doomed to failure. It is a stupid thing to do, and I hate it.
2. Ordering delivery from the place down the street, which arrives with an extra bonus quesadilla that we didn't even order--which is good--but then discovering AFTER HAVING ALREADY TAKEN A BITE that the quesadilla is half eaten, and clearly had been brought back into the kitchen to be boxed up for a guest who was dining in. I cannot allow myself to wander into the dangerous territory of trying to imagine what the people were like...it is simply too much to bear.
3.Teri Hatcher. Now, I really hate to call people ugly. So, I'll just say that this woman's face looks freakishly skeletal to me, and I don't understand how anyone can not see how much her nose resembles Michael Jackson's nose. It insults me on a very deep level that someone with this face can try to claim that they have never had plastic surgery. Lets move on before I vomit on myself.
4. Unintentionally bad grammar. I clearly could not look into the deep abyss of blogland and claim to hate all bad grammar. Because I obviously enjoy creating new rules of sentence construction, punctuation, and other such things.
But, the thing is, I feel pretty strongly that this is ok--if for no other reason than the fact that I am not the president of the United States. George Bush's bad grammar offends the shit out of me, and it also frequently frightens me.
And, yes...I come to you with examples. Please see the all-new list-within-a-list...
List Within-A-List; or, Bad Grammar by George W.*
GWB: "Rarely is the question asked: is our children learning?"(Jan. 2000)
Me: I'm guessing you're right about that. Because most people are capable of phrasing simple questions properly.
GWB:"See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kinda catapult the propaganda."(May, 2005)
Me inwardly: Cripes, where to begin?
Me:I think in this case the bad grammar is actually less interesting than the fact that the president is stupid enough to tell us his methods of manipulation. Also, isn't the term 'propaganda' pretty much universally recognized as being extremely negative? Sigh. Someone better tell this man he 'got to' think a little before he speaks.
GWB:"They misunderestimated me."(November 2000)
Me: Now, this one just hurts my feelings, because I think 'misunderestimated' is a fantastic word--kind of like 'eleventy,' or 'delurkofy.' I sincerely wish this was my word. But, since I'm pretty sure George isn't trying to sound silly, this example still serves it's purpose
Also, I read a really interesting article in which Mark Crispin Miller points out that George "has no trouble speaking off the cuff when he's speaking punitively, when he's talking about violence, when he's talking about revenge. It's only when he leaps into the wild blue yonder of compassion, or idealism, or altruism, that he makes these hilarious mistakes." The article was pretty frightening, actually.
5. Chapped Lips.
6. People who wear their hats just a little bit sideways. In my humble opinion, forward=good, backward=usually better, and sideways=an idiot that i probably don't want to talk to. But perhaps I'm being a bit harsh, because I'm not feeling well. I say lets all agree to pretend that this is the case.
7. Coughing. I am Very, Very, Very, Very, Very sick of coughing. And that's five VERY'S, which means I really mean it.
8. This entry. So, I think I'll stop now.
*Pete, if I do get sent to Gitmo, make sure you send at least 2 bottles a week...