Thursday, August 03, 2006

tiffany and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

i had to work this morning.
from 10:30 til 6.

i woke up at 8:30 am, and turned on the weather channel, because it has been Hotter Than Balls here lately, and i just wanted to know how pointless taking a shower was going to be before i got out of bed.

but!
i looked at the screen, and saw a big map of the mid-west, and it was all red.
it said, Severe. Thunder. Storms. (!!!!!)
and more importantly, it said that the high was going to be 80 degrees. (!!!!!!!!)

but.
then i noticed that i was looking at thursday's forecast.
damnit.

and so i took a shower, and attempted to make myself pretty, only to end up at work looking like this:



the terrible, horrible no-goodness was complicated by the fact that the air conditioning at our bar doesn't really work that well.
see below.



i know that's a bad picture, so in case you can't tell what's going on, the air is set at 72 degrees, while the actual temperature reads 81 degrees. it is always at least 5 degrees warmer than that behind the bar. you know, in the place where the bartenders need to hang out.

oh, and this picture was taken before the air conditioning BROKE COMPLETELY.

but, at least it's not like i have to work there for the next three days.*

the terrible horrible no-goodness was further complicated by this one crazy woman who came in for lunch.

here is how our exchanges went:

~hi, is it hot enough for you, are you ready to order, blah, blah blah, an also blah.~

her: how much would it cost for one chicken strip?

me: *stares blankly*

her: you know, just one chicken strip off the ala carte menu.

me: well, we don't have an ala carte menu, so i'll have to ask if it's ok. but, i'd have to guess it would be about 75 cents or a dollar. if you give me a second, i'll go and make sure for you.

her: no, i'm in a hurry. i'll take the beef nachos with no tomato, no guacamole, and no halla-pee-nose.** and i know i 'm just going to keep craving a chicken strip if i don't get one, so go ahead and order one for me if it's okay--with a side of bbq.

~time passes. i order the food and bring it out, and whatnot. a few minutes pass, and i go back to make sure the lady is doing ok. as i approach the table, i notice that she is scraping the dollop of sour cream off the top of her nachos.~

me: is everything going ok over here?

her: actually, i need a side of sour cream.

~here, we all remember that she is AT THAT VERY MOMENT SCRAPING THE SOUR CREAM OFF OF HER PLATE.~

me: (without the intention of being bitchy, but, alas, very confused) what are you going to do with that sour cream?

her: i guess i'll just put it right here.

~ she taps the sour cream off her fork, onto the table. yes, the table. no, i am not kidding.~

me:



~that's right. speechless. although, i do bring her a new side of sour cream. i do not, however, bother to clean the rejected sour cream off the table. i mean, she put it there. maybe she felt the table was lacking a center piece?~

~more time passes. i bring the bill. she notices that she has been charged for her nachos, plus an additional $1.50.~

her: excuse me. i'm a little confused. EXACTLY why am i being charged an extra $1.50?

me: the extra $1.50 is for your chicken strip, and the bbq sauce.

her: you told me it was only going to be 75 cents.

me: actually, i said i thought it would be 75 cents, or a dollar. i wasn't sure, and you said you didn't want to wait for me to go find out for you.

her: well, i guess i just thought that you would have known what you were talking about. next time i'll know better.

me:


~again, speechless. because, yeah. my bad that i didn't know the price of something THAT DOESN'T EXIST ON OUR MENU.~

so blah, blah blah and blah, she pays the bill on her credit card, and...

well, she left me a 75 cent tip, on a credit card. and that story would have been a lot funnier if blogger wasn't being a lazy whore, refusing to upload the picture that i took of her credit card slip.

i guess the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day isn't quite over yet.

* i totally have to work every day for the next three days.
**yes, i know how to spell jalepeno. i just wanted you to know how she said it.

p.s.
just to site further evidence that this has, in fact, been a terrible horrible no good very bad day--i'm still awake, even though it's almost 4 am and i have to wake up at 8 am, and my roommate just called to say that she won't be home soon (she was closing our bar tonight) because she had to drive one of out other best friends--you remember hippie sarah with the tits?--to the emergency room where her boyfriend was just taken by ambulance for some reason as of yet unbeknownst to us.

so, yeah.
terrible.
horrible.
no good.
and also, very bad.

11 comments:

amandaladi said...

i'm sorry you had a bad day yesterday...
I KNEW we should have come to the restaurant after Amber's Ortho appt.....
but her mouth was sore.....
we'll have to plan on coming to see you in the next week or two...
YES!!

Steph said...

i'm sorry too... that woman sounds like a random crazy bitch who should have tipped u more than she did.

hey i can read!

ok i had a better comment that didnt involve repeating ur story back to you but it escapes me right now, as I am very tired.

hope the next day was neither terrible, horrible, no good, nor very bad.

dferd said...

Whenever I read about your adventures at work I think of the movie Waiting with Ryan Reynolds. Awesome.

David said...

What a crap job...

babygirl said...

you forgot the part about the ballsy boy and the hit up tall girl and your roommate. that's a really good story to tell. it was a really bad, horrible day for us all. and to pretty white trash- our lives are more like that movie than you know!

tiffany said...

i didn't forget, i just got really sleepy in the middle of that post.
it started out ambitious, and then fizzled out when i remembered that it's not good to blog until 4 am when one has to work again in the morning.

Bermuda Mohawk said...

That picture makes me want to give you hugs and kisses to try and make you happier, sadly you have company tonight.

Pete said...

another picture where you don't smile. i don't know about that.

i must say i laughed at your story, but only because i've been on your side of the table and know EXACTLY how that all went down. I'm so sorry for you. So did she use the side of sour cream?

dferd said...

Moving on up. I am sure you will just die if you cant read about my boring life. Click my name for the updates, man. :)

Elyse Grycki said...

That day was absolutely hilarious...but in a bad way for you. I'm sorry I found it so funny, but it's basically impossible not to laugh. (You forgot to talk about the other crazy lady who wanted to try that guy's food and asked for a box to take the rest home to her dog)

Blur said...

There are many things I miss about my former place of employment, but those crazy people who frequent the establishment would not be one of them. I miss the crazy people I worked with and those who come in after 11pm.