you know you're getting old when this is your friday night.
the internet: tiffany? is that you? what are you doing here at midnight on a friday? shouldn't you be blacked out and spending money you don't have at a bar somewhere?
me: please do not talk to me about drinking. ever. again.
the internet: spill it, girl. what happened to you last night?
me: i went over to my favorite ex-professor's house for dinner.
the internet: and?
me: well, i had a few drinks there, and then i had to stop at work to pick something up on the way home. some of my friends were out, so i had a drink with them there, and to be honest--that's when things start to get a little fuzzy.
the internet: *smirking*
me: all i know is that i really wasn't planning on being out and about. i mean, i was wearing a fleece hoodie and some pajama pants that were covered in paint stains from when we remodeled the restaurant. i had a grand total of $3 in my purse. but then my drunk friend mel was all 'don't worry, i have money,' and i was all 'free drinks are good!'
the internet: well, free drinks ARE good.
me: sometimes.
the internet: too many free drinks, then?
me: all i know is all of the sudden it was midnight and i brilliantly decided that i should go home because i had to work in the morning. so, apparently at midnight my brain was still functioning in at least some kind of reasonable way. so, i walked five minutes from the bar i was at, back to the bar i work at. apparently in that five minutes i became the drunkest person on the planet, because when i got back to my bar i was found banging on the window and trying to convince people to come let me into the bar, which i thought was closed for some reason. i think i was actually yelling 'for the love of god, just let me in...i work here!'*
the internet: *nearly pees itself imagining the ridiculous sight.'
me: yeah, it wasn't good. i just hope right now someone else is getting really drunk and making an idiot of themselves so by tomorrow everyone will have forgotten about me.
the internet: you know what's really funny about this whole thing?
me: the fact that i just stopped puking a few hours ago?
the internet: no. the fact that your last blog post was all about how to NOT make an idiot out of yourself at the bar.
me: yeah. irony is a whore.
*this is especially ridiculous because i actually have keys to the bar. so, you know, had it actually been closed, WHICH IT TOTALLY WASN'T BECAUSE IT WAS ONLY MIDNIGHT, i would have been able to let myself in.
me: please do not talk to me about drinking. ever. again.
the internet: spill it, girl. what happened to you last night?
me: i went over to my favorite ex-professor's house for dinner.
the internet: and?
me: well, i had a few drinks there, and then i had to stop at work to pick something up on the way home. some of my friends were out, so i had a drink with them there, and to be honest--that's when things start to get a little fuzzy.
the internet: *smirking*
me: all i know is that i really wasn't planning on being out and about. i mean, i was wearing a fleece hoodie and some pajama pants that were covered in paint stains from when we remodeled the restaurant. i had a grand total of $3 in my purse. but then my drunk friend mel was all 'don't worry, i have money,' and i was all 'free drinks are good!'
the internet: well, free drinks ARE good.
me: sometimes.
the internet: too many free drinks, then?
me: all i know is all of the sudden it was midnight and i brilliantly decided that i should go home because i had to work in the morning. so, apparently at midnight my brain was still functioning in at least some kind of reasonable way. so, i walked five minutes from the bar i was at, back to the bar i work at. apparently in that five minutes i became the drunkest person on the planet, because when i got back to my bar i was found banging on the window and trying to convince people to come let me into the bar, which i thought was closed for some reason. i think i was actually yelling 'for the love of god, just let me in...i work here!'*
the internet: *nearly pees itself imagining the ridiculous sight.'
me: yeah, it wasn't good. i just hope right now someone else is getting really drunk and making an idiot of themselves so by tomorrow everyone will have forgotten about me.
the internet: you know what's really funny about this whole thing?
me: the fact that i just stopped puking a few hours ago?
the internet: no. the fact that your last blog post was all about how to NOT make an idiot out of yourself at the bar.
me: yeah. irony is a whore.
*this is especially ridiculous because i actually have keys to the bar. so, you know, had it actually been closed, WHICH IT TOTALLY WASN'T BECAUSE IT WAS ONLY MIDNIGHT, i would have been able to let myself in.
posted by tiffany at 12:40 AM
7 Comments:
LOL!!!! such a good story.
I think we have all had that night. Glad you made it out alive to share it will us
Hey, you could have stayed in and had Kentucky Fried Chicken and an X-MEN marathon...
lol. omg. freakin hilarious dude. i laughed in my monitor's face.
loser
great.
jesus is onto me.
i knew it was only a matter of time...
does anyone else think it's weird that jesus doesn't capitalize his name?
maybe he's just going with the flow of my blog.
if so, that's awfully nice of him.
i've always heard he was a nice guy...
he he he, I hadn't seen this...sorry to laugh at your expense, but I'm a bitch - what can I say?
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