on friday night my friend was bartending, and she ordered herself some mini-burgers for dinner.
it was about 10pm.
one of our 'regulars,' who had been at our bar SINCE 2PM, walked up and asked:
oh, are these for me?
my friend explained that no, the mini-burgers were not for him, as he had not ordered any mini-burgers.
mini-burgers seldom show up uninvited, you know.
my friend turned away to pour a beer for another customer, and when she came back to her dinner she saw that 'the regular' was eating one of her mini-burgers.
and apparently it was his second one, because there was a whole mini-burger already missing.
my friend had no idea what to do or say.
in the end, 'the regular' ate three of the four mini-burgers before his friend realized that he was eating someone else's food.
i don't think that i could ever find the words to tell you exactly how badly i wish i could have been there when this happened.
i have no idea what i would have said, or done.
but i'm pretty sure it would have been good.
i also wasn't there the next morning when 'the regular' returned to our bar, still drunk, and still in the same clothes from the night before.
b.g. told him to go home and take a nap, but i guess instead he went to a bar down the street and drank until he got cut off there.
i WAS at work when he stumbled in after that, and walked right behind my bar holding his cell phone at arm's length, demanding that i charge his phone for him.
not asking, mind you.
i asked him if he expected me to charge his phone with my ass, as i saw no phone charging mechanism in sight, and then he accused me of stealing it.*
and that was pretty much the time that i decided i didn't want to speak to him EVER AGAIN.
or, wait. maybe it was last weekend, or even the weekend before that, since he is pretty much always this annoying.
*his charger, not my ass.