Monday, February 19, 2007

oh. no. he. di. dint.

on friday night my friend was bartending, and she ordered herself some mini-burgers for dinner.

it was about 10pm.

one of our 'regulars,' who had been at our bar SINCE 2PM, walked up and asked:
oh, are these for me?

my friend explained that no, the mini-burgers were not for him, as he had not ordered any mini-burgers.
mini-burgers seldom show up uninvited, you know.

my friend turned away to pour a beer for another customer, and when she came back to her dinner she saw that 'the regular' was eating one of her mini-burgers.
and apparently it was his second one, because there was a whole mini-burger already missing.

my friend had no idea what to do or say.
in the end, 'the regular' ate three of the four mini-burgers before his friend realized that he was eating someone else's food.

i don't think that i could ever find the words to tell you exactly how badly i wish i could have been there when this happened.
i have no idea what i would have said, or done.
but i'm pretty sure it would have been good.

i also wasn't there the next morning when 'the regular' returned to our bar, still drunk, and still in the same clothes from the night before.
b.g. told him to go home and take a nap, but i guess instead he went to a bar down the street and drank until he got cut off there.
i WAS at work when he stumbled in after that, and walked right behind my bar holding his cell phone at arm's length, demanding that i charge his phone for him.

not asking, mind you.

i asked him if he expected me to charge his phone with my ass, as i saw no phone charging mechanism in sight, and then he accused me of stealing it.*

and that was pretty much the time that i decided i didn't want to speak to him EVER AGAIN.

or, wait. maybe it was last weekend, or even the weekend before that, since he is pretty much always this annoying.

*his charger, not my ass.


Blogger Mad Scientist said...

Heh heh, good one. I want to come crash your bar sometime.

Thanks for cracking me up this Monday morning.

9:25 AM  
Anonymous Amber said...

I really, really, really want to know who it is :)You should send me a message informing me of the identity of said jackass because I am so cut off from drunk bar people that it would be like throwing a dog a bone (but I'm not a dog).

11:30 AM  
Blogger tiffany said...

i don't think you know this guy...
he's relatively new in his regularness.
speaking of dogs...
how's otis' hari cut?
i bet he looks cute.
send a pic?

11:34 AM  
Blogger CSL said...

Sounds like a fun place where you work, espcially the obnoxious burger-stealing demanding guy. Lucky.

12:02 PM  
Blogger Mary Flannery-Scientist said...

Working with the public ROCKS!

5:45 PM  
Blogger Nicole said...

I think Amber does know this regular...from his former days of partying at with another annoying regular who has since moved on to Minnesota somewhere (thank god)...until the two ended their friendship over the latter's 'excessive drinking'. How ironic. Anywho, that's the danger of having regulars who spend houndreds of dollars in one sitting, multiple times a week. They think they have paid for the right to act like they own the bar. This particular regular seems to think that my explaining the Giligan story to his friend of the day is much more important than serving all of MY paying customers. Grrr...

9:59 AM  
Blogger tiffany said...

'friend of the day' ha!

that may be the greatest thing i have ever heard.

why do i feel like i don't know about this minnesota thing?
did i miss something, or am i just having a brain fart at the moment?

you know, like when i left my groceries at the store yesterday.

10:05 AM  

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