This week, the prize for Stupid Ass Hat of the Week goes to the douche in the orange shirt who came into the bar for the poker tournament last night.
Dear Mr. Ass Hat in the Orange Shirt (and, I might add, the particularly heinous shoes),
It is really, really dumb to order a vodka red bull and insist on paying a dollar extra to up-charge the vodka from Smirnoff—our normal house vodka—to grey goose.
Like, really, really, REALLY DUMB.
See, the thing about vodka red bull is that—unless you order vodka with a splash of red bull or something—you can’t really ever taste the vodka. So the ‘flavor’ or ‘smoothness’ or whatever of the vodka in question basically becomes a non-issue.
In the bar business, when someone orders a vodka red bull with some sort of top shelf liquor, we pretty much assume you are an idiot who is concerned with showing off how much money they can toss around on unimportant things—like expensive vodka that you will never be able to taste.
You were no different, at first. In fact, I believe your exact words were “I want a vodka red bull, and give me grey goose. I don’t want any of your cheap shit.” However, you later set yourself away from the mold when you began to complain, loudly, about how expensive your drink was.
Still, I think my favorite part was when you complained that you felt I hadn’t put any vodka in your drink. Because you couldn’t taste it. Imagine that! You couldn’t taste the super smooth vodka mixed with the really potent and sugary red bull—crazy!
No, wait! I think I jumped the gun there, because my actual favorite part was when you ordered the same drink FOUR MORE TIMES and made the same complaints FOUR MORE TIMES and then never tipped me at all. Yeah, that part ruled.
For all of these reasons, plus the fact that you sucked royally at poker, and I also saw you making fun of a handicapped man behind his back, you have been awarded the not-very-prestigious Stupid Ass Hat of the Week Award.
Thanks, and please don’t come again,