Friday, September 15, 2006

Stupid Ass Hat of the Week

This week, the prize for Stupid Ass Hat of the Week goes to the douche in the orange shirt who came into the bar for the poker tournament last night.

Dear Mr. Ass Hat in the Orange Shirt (and, I might add, the particularly heinous shoes),

It is really, really dumb to order a vodka red bull and insist on paying a dollar extra to up-charge the vodka from Smirnoff—our normal house vodka—to grey goose.
Like, really, really, REALLY DUMB.
See, the thing about vodka red bull is that—unless you order vodka with a splash of red bull or something—you can’t really ever taste the vodka. So the ‘flavor’ or ‘smoothness’ or whatever of the vodka in question basically becomes a non-issue.
In the bar business, when someone orders a vodka red bull with some sort of top shelf liquor, we pretty much assume you are an idiot who is concerned with showing off how much money they can toss around on unimportant things—like expensive vodka that you will never be able to taste.
You were no different, at first. In fact, I believe your exact words were “I want a vodka red bull, and give me grey goose. I don’t want any of your cheap shit.” However, you later set yourself away from the mold when you began to complain, loudly, about how expensive your drink was.
Still, I think my favorite part was when you complained that you felt I hadn’t put any vodka in your drink. Because you couldn’t taste it. Imagine that! You couldn’t taste the super smooth vodka mixed with the really potent and sugary red bull—crazy!
No, wait! I think I jumped the gun there, because my actual favorite part was when you ordered the same drink FOUR MORE TIMES and made the same complaints FOUR MORE TIMES and then never tipped me at all. Yeah, that part ruled.
For all of these reasons, plus the fact that you sucked royally at poker, and I also saw you making fun of a handicapped man behind his back, you have been awarded the not-very-prestigious Stupid Ass Hat of the Week Award.

Thanks, and please don’t come again,


Anonymous Lady S said...

Would it have been wrong of you to not upgrade his drink and pocket the extra buck on drinks 2, 3, and 4? What a dumbass.

12:38 PM  
Blogger tiffany said...

i may or may not have done that. it is all speculation and it shall not be admitted to in any kind of public internet forum.

3:00 PM  
Blogger PWT said...

“I want a vodka red bull, and give me grey goose. I don’t want any of your cheap shit.”

Because nothing says classy like Red Bull and Vodka.

7:32 PM  
Blogger Pete said...

when people would order a bloody mary or other such drink i would always offer the top shelf vodka. "Is Gray Goose okay?" always tried to sell the more expensive. most people just took it without thinking. don't think it ever made a difference in the tip.

8:06 PM  
Blogger amandaladi said...

you gave him the ass hat award for the week??? i think he deserves the month...

altho... i realize, working in a bar, you come across many people deserving of an ass hat award....
maybe give HIM the ass hat for the month, and bump the other deserving asses a dunce cap for the time being...

god people suck....

7:24 AM  
Blogger ~d said...

HAHA...Ass Hat of the week!

9:32 AM  

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