last night i came to work and very quickly realized that i was not all about bartending that day. come to think of it, i can't remember ever having been all about bartending. which is unfortunate, since bartending has been my job for 10 years. anyway, the point is, i did not want to work last night.
at 6:35 p.m. i sent my friend vinny (aka big furry bear) a text message that said:
hey, wanna close the bar tonight?*
he did not answer me.
i wouldn't have answered me, either.
so then, at 7:30 i sent him a another text message which said fine. but i'm farting in your general direction.
and that was when we lost our minds for a second, and this happened...
vinny: are you taunting me a second time?
me: yes, but you turned me into a newt.
vinny: a newt? have you seen any knights who say 'ni' running around? i hear they've been spotted in ann arbor.
~real life interruption~
the phone: ring, ring, ring.
me: the (insert name of sportsbar here).
vinny: NONE SHALL PASS!!!!(hangs up on me)
me: (giggling uncontrollably)
bar guests: (inwardly) i think something may be seriously wrong with this girl.
~end real life interruption, return to text messaging, which is far more fun than bartending~
vinny: how do you think i got this outrageous french accent?
vinny: time to rent Holy Grail. SNAP!
me again, because i DO NOT know when to give up: are there any women here today?
vinny: um...that's the wrong movie :-)
me: i can see you repressing me
vinny: the ministry of silly walks
me: i don't know that one
vinny: how not 2b seen. the twit of the year contest. all are from flying circus
me: listen, i came here for an argument, and this is just contradiction.
vinny: i'll have the spam spam spam spam eggs spam and spam. oh i'm sorry we're out of spam.
me: perhaps you should try the crunchy frog.
~real life interrupts again, because vinny shows up at the bar, no more texting until...~
vinny: elderberries!!! hahahahaha!
me: don't talk about your balls that way
*this was somewhat ridiculous, because the shift starts at 6 p.m. and people ususally like to have some advance notice about the whole working thing.