Three Things

Thing 1: Whole Foods makes a really amazing spinach and lentil soup. I am in love with this soup, in a way I have never loved anything that was even remotely healthy-to-eat before. I would like to take a bath in it, that's how good it is. But it would be better if the bathtub was made of the Australian Cheddar that I found there, because it is pretty damn fantastic as well.

Thing 2: Last weekend at work, a man sent a dirty martini back because--he claims--he couldn't taste the alcohol. This was an amazingly stupid thing to say, because a dirty martini is made entirely from either gin or vodka, with a small splash of olive juice added in To Hide The Flavor Of The Liquor.

Do we really need to discuss the retarded-ness of this situation?

I thought not.

Thing 3, which is really more than one thing, but whatever: I leave for Key West in 3 days. Southbeachification didn't go as well as I would have liked, I've been tanning for 4 weeks and have succeeded only in maintaining a solid pastey-white coloring, and my car key is stuck in the ignition. Which is bad, since I'm driving to Florida. I don't have any shoes that I like, I have a mid-term Thursday, I'm hungry, and I just decided that I love Sasha Cohen.

Ok. That's all.
You may go now.

Well, This Just Doesn't Seem Right At All

You Are Apple Pie

You're the perfect combo of comforting and traditional Those who like you crave security

What Kind of Pie Are You?

See, I answered a couple of questions, and then this thinger told me that apparently I am apple pie.

I call shenannigans on that.

I think the problem is that one of the questions was "what do you prefer to drink with your pie?"
And the choices were ridiculous things like coffee, tea, water, and milk.
There was no mention of vodka.
I'm sure that if I would have been allowed to say 'vodka,' I would not be labeled as apple pie.

I mean, I enjoy the taste of apple pie, don't get me wrong.
It just doesn't seem right...

In which I am apparently very retarded

so, i have this class on thursday nights--lit 511, literary criticism. i won't call the class boring, but i will say that there is an awful lot of at-least-some-what-boring reading that we have to do each week.
still, it's worth it, because the texts we're reading virtually compose the entire history of literary theory, which i hear is important to know if you're trying to get your MA in literature.

today i went to that class in very high spirits, because the professor of said class had just emailed me a rather glowing recommendation letter for a graduate assistantship, and i was feeling all happy and smart-like.

then i got to school.
and when i was there, the teacher asked us to hand in our first papers of the semester.
and i didn't have one.
because i am retarded.
very, very retarded.

the paper assignment was given out 2 weeks ago, and that night i came home and did some preliminary work on it--you know, fleshed out the ideas that i would want to discuss.
and then i promptly forgot all about it until it was time to pass them in, tonight.
and my retarded self is sitting in a graduate seminar, with only 9 other students, very obviously without a paper.

i know it sounds cliche, but i really wanted the floor to open up and swallow me. or at least for a tasty vodka cocktail to show up, and help me ease my embarrassment.

instead, i just had to keep sitting there for the entire three hour class, hating myself, and wondering how--after this entire, very very long, educational career--i could all of the sudden forget that i had to write a paper.
and i mean just flat-out forget. i did not think of it even once, until he asked for us to pass the papers in.

oh, and did i mention the fact that he had just an hour ago written a letter about how fantastic and responsible i am?

sheesh.

the good news is, i've had this professor 2x before--so he knows that i didn't blow it off, and that i work a lot outside of school, and so he took pity on me. and i still get to use his glowing letter, which i obviously in no way deserve.

the bad news is, i am retarded.
but i guess you already knew that.

South Beach is Back, Bitches....

That's pretty much all I have to say.

Except, don't argue with me!

Or, I may post terrible pictures of my stomach right into this blog, as evidence that the South Beach Diet really is a good idea.

Trust me, this would not be good.

Work with me, people.

Hey, Baby. Wanna Samba? Anyone?

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Tiffany, Queen of the World!

1. Plato believed that the souls of melancholy people would be reincarnated into Tiffany, Queen of the World.
2. Tiffany, Queen of the World is often used in place of milk in food photography, because milk goes soggy more quickly than Tiffany, Queen of the World.
3. The only Englishman to become Tiffany, Queen of the World was Nicholas Breakspear, who was Tiffany, Queen of the World from 1154 to 1159.
4. The word 'samba' means 'to rub Tiffany, Queen of the World'.
5. The Eskimos have over fifty words for Tiffany, Queen of the World.
6. Every day in the UK, four people die putting Tiffany, Queen of the World on!
7. Tiffany, Queen of the World can turn her stomach inside out!
8. Pacman was originally called Tiffany, Queen of the Worldman.
9. Tiffany, Queen of the World can use only about ten percent of her brain!
10. Tiffany, Queen of the World is worth her weight in gold - literally.

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