Friday, June 30, 2006

here we go, ya'll.

the countdown is on.
we leave for key west adventure 2006 'the second coming' in 8 hours.

we are taking the laptop.
we will be too drunk to type.

but it will probably be pretty funny.

also--palm trees, sparkly ocean, and pictures of more drunk people.


Monday, June 26, 2006

this is not the face of a sober person

i can only be thankful that i was 'smart' enough to have my sunglasses on, even though we were inside, and--oh yeah, it was nighttime.
because i seriously am not interested in seeing what my eyes might have looked like underneath those glasses.

in better news, despite the horridness that is my face in that picture, and any logical assumptions that one might make after looking at it, i do, in fact, remember the entire night.

and i will tell you stories about it, as soon as my friend darick gets off his lazy ass and sends me some of the 146 pictures that he took that night.*

don't worry, i will not be showing you 146 pictures of our drunken-bus-trip-tigers-game extravaganza. i just thought it might be nice to support some of the funnier stories with photographic evidence.

so, yeah. hopefully that's coming soon.
until then, you can have this smooch from me and my girls to tide you over...

*darick, you don't even have to physically get off your ass to do this. point, drag, and click honey.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

the drunks will come out tomorrow

back in february, the bar that i work at sponsored a trip to a pistons game. we took 4 luxury limo/bus things full of bar regulars--and employees--down to the palace for a pistons game. on the bus, we had all the beer and jager that could be possibly be consumed, but we accidentally consumed it all and had to stop at the liquor store on the way there. the palace is only about an hour and 15 minutes from Ann arbor. But, you know, we were thirsty, i guess.

i would have told you all about how much fun we had at on this trip, except i don't remember it.

i would have given you a reconstruction of what happened based on the stories that my friends had to tell. but, they don't remember it either.

in fact, of all the approximately 75 people i have questioned about this matter, at least 65 of them do not remember being at the pistons game at all.

i am forced to confess this to you now, because, tomorrow?
we are taking a similar bus trip to the tigers game. only, this time we are going 3 hours early, so we can tail-gate.

god help us all.

the good news is, i have to open the bar the next morning--so, in theory, i should be remaining at least slightly sober.
which means i may have memories of some really silly happenings to share with you soon.
i hope.

Friday, June 16, 2006

years go by, indeed.

so, you scan some pictures onto your blog as part of a celebration (?) of the 10th anniversary of your high school graduation. you look through lots of photos, and giggle at yourself, and maybe almost cry a few times. but then you just make yourself a cocktail, instead.

you might have even spent the better part of two hours looking through a huge box of notes that people used to pass to you in the hallways. because, yes, you are a dork, and you kept them. in a victoria's secret box, no less.

all in all, it turned out to be a fun little adventure--and one that may provide a lot of useful blogging fodder, because you also found a lot of poems that you used to write. poems that are so ridiculous that it really wouldn't be fair to keep them from the world--kind of like that american flag picture you might see if you scroll down this page a bit.

then at some point during the night, sitting amongst of mountain of old photos of a much younger you, you remember when you went to the bar with your younger sister last week and two completely separate individuals assumed that you were, in fact, the younger sister. which you are not. by six whole years.

this is the younger sister.

anyway, you're sitting there looking at all the pictures and thinking proudly to yourself hey, i can't look that bad, if people are thinking that i might be younger than her...
so, you get the 'great' idea to go take a picture of yourself, as sort of a compare and contrast experiment to go with all your old pictures.
and this is what happens.

you can't even take the picture without unwittingly giving yourself a disgusted look in the camera view-finder-thing.

and you start to think that maybe the lesson of this entire 10 year anniversary celebration is that you are now too old to walk around with no make-up on your face, even if you are in your own room at 1am.

also on your mind: when the fuck did your hair get so blonde? but, that can be easily changed.

part II, version 2.0--or is it part III now? i don't know. i hate blogger.

so, apparently blogger will only let you post 4 pictures at a time. which is lame, because i am not done embarrassing myself yet.
oh, no.
the best is yet to come.

so, here are the rest of the '10 year reunion which i will not be attending commemoration pictures.'

this was prom. and, yes. my shoes did match my dress. i was hot. deal with it.

this was me at my actual graduation. if you can't tell, that's my graduation cap that i'm holding up. and that's my step sister giving me bunny ears.

okay. now i have to show you a really ridiculous picture, which i can't believe i ever took to begin with. but it's worth nothing if we can't laugh about it now. so...

i mean, do we really need to discuss the ridiculousness of this photo? i mean, hula hoops? the flag?

was i on drugs?

i can't think about it anymore.

and finally...

alright, this one was taken at the end of my junior year.
i just wanted to prove that powder blue nova and horrifying hula-hoop-and-american-flag picture aside--i'm still a princess.

part II, which took so long that it is now it's own entry.

i now present to you ridiculous pictures of me from my senior year in high school, in memoriam of my youth, which apparently officially began to end exactly 10 years ago wednesday, when i graduated high school.

this was one of my senior pictures. the one that went in the year book was exactly like this, except i was smiling. i would have put that one on here, but it only exists as an 8x10 sitting in a frame on top of the piano at my parent's house, and my mother refused to give it up. so, you got this one instead.

right after i got my senior pictures taken, i cut all my hair off. i can now admit that i did this mostly because i saw the first episode of 'my so called life,' and i felt that my life could not possibly be worth living unless i could be as much like claire danes as humanly possible. anyhow, here is a picture of me with my very short hair, washing my 'nova blue' chevy nova.

this is me and the infamous jobi. jobi was my most consistent friend throughout the entirety of my k-12 schooling. jobi now lives in california, and is about to have a baby. i miss her. and i also wonder if she remembers that in 3rd grade we promised to name our babies after each other.

this is me with my soccer team. they are giving me flowers because it was my birthday. i was turning 18. all hell broke loose after that, because i was all wait, i'm 18. no one is the boss of me!

Thursday, June 15, 2006

years go by; or, i graduated high school 10 years ago today, a rhapsody in two parts.

well, apparently i graduated from high school 10 years ago today.
ok, fine--it was yesterday, technically. but, i really was meaning to write this earlier.

in order to commemorate this special--read, horrifying with the sneaking up on one and all--occasion, i now present you with this random question thinger that's been going around the evil myspace empire, followed by some rather silly looking pictures* of me, starring as myself, as a senior in high school.

i will not be going to my ten year reunion--even though it will take place exactly four and a half miles from where i live--so, i thought it might be nice to do a little something.

here we go.

part I--the thing that's going around myspace:
Fill this out about your SENIOR year of high school! The longer ago it was, the more fun the answers will be.

1. Who was your best friend? jobi, alaina, and andy.

2. What sports did you play? soccer.

3. What kind of car did you drive? a 1985 chevy nova. it was that sky blue color that only chevy novas could be. i think before i graduated i moved it on up to a 1989 ford thunderbird. it was black. and it was the shit.

4. It's Friday night, where were you at? at the beginning of the year? twirling a lame-ass flag with the marching band. i say 'lame-ass' because i wasn't very good at it. at all. later in the year? i was probably drinking pina colodas with ellis. and doing other things that shall not be mentioned.

5. Were you a party animal? in disguise. but, not a very good disguise.

6. Were you a considered a flirt? probably? i suppose i should have payed more attention to what other people thought of me. but i guess i would have been a lot more unhappy then.

7. Ever skip school? as it it were my job.

9. Were you a nerd? i was a nerd hybrid. i think people thought i was really smart, but really i was retarded. although, it was really helpful that people thought i was 'smart', or a 'nerd', or a 'good girl', because it helped me get away with a lot of stuff. at school, anyway. not so much at home. my mom was like some kind of all-knowing god-figure--there was absolutely no pulling one over on her. and, people? i tried really hard. that woman was always too good for me.

10. did you ever get suspended/expelled? expelled? no. suspended? yes. i finally got caught skipping school, and i had to stay a few days after all the other seniors were done. looking back, it should have been humiliating. at the time? i didn't care at all.

11. Can you sing the Alma mater? about the first 4 measures.

12. Who was your favorite teacher? ms. kish and ms. bates. i also enjoyed mr. moran, but i didn't have him my senior year.

13. Favorite class? there was no such thing as a favorite class my senior year. although, i suppose i did mostly enjoy playing piano in the jazz band.

14. What was your school's full name?: Lincoln Consolidated High School

15. School mascot? we were called the railsplitters. i think we might have had a big abe lincoln head, or something.

16. Did you go to Prom? yup. and i looked hot, too. with my dyed shoes and everything.

17. If you could go back and do it over, would you? only if i could go knowing what i know now.

18. What do you remember most about graduation? i was skinny.

19. Favorite memory of your Senior Year? well, i definitely have one, but i'm not sure if it's appropriate to write about here.

20. Were you ever posted up on the senior wall? what the fuck is a senior wall?

21. Did you have a job your senior year? i was a waitress at bill knapp's. i was the richest person i knew. i would go to work after school, and by 9:30 at night i would have $60. i was all woo-hoo, i have $60! and then i would spend it as fast as i could.

22. Who did you date? ellis fortune. it was exhausting.

23. Where did you go most often for lunch? mostly, i didn't eat. high school made me want to puke.

24. Have you gained weight since then? lost, then gained, then lost, then gained. i like to change it up.

25. What did you do after graduation? went to eastern. then didn't. then went to WCC. then didn't. then went back to eastern. then finally graduated last december. meanwhile, that entire time, i've bartended. i have my priorities, you see.

26. When did you graduate? June 14, 1996

*part II will be coming shortly, i hope. just as soon as blogger stops being an asshole who doesn't care about my needs.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

some things never change

i was just thumbing through a journal that i kept when i went to Paris as a foreign exchange student when i was a junior in high school.

in doing so, i made a rather troubling realization:
nine and a half years of college apparently made very little impact on my writing.

to illustrate, let's examine the following passage, which i promise to copy word-for-word, even if it is highly embarrassing.

i don't know what is up with this country, but there is definitely something screwy with the water. the 1st week i was here, the water in one of the bathrooms didn't work, and now the kitchen is broke. screwy. alright--so now we have no water w/ which to cook so we go to pizza hut. (a smiley face is drawn here, and it has a period after it, as if it is its own sentence). at french pizza hut there is cold fish with the heads still on it at the salad bar. (a frown face is drawn here). the pizza was pretty good. i was done eating way before everyone else--as usual, french people eat a lot, and i think they chew like every bite like a thousand times cuz they're REAL slow. so i'm just waiting and then i have to go potty, so i get up to go by myself, figuring, no big deal. i'm 16, i should be able to find a stupid bathroom. so i go, and i'm following all these signs that lead me through all these tunnels and down all these stairs and i'm just positive that the metro train is gonna come around the corner and i'll be killed. but, alas, i find the bathroom. so i go pee, and once i get back into the dungeon i realize that my undies are all twisted at the top and for some reason, lazy me decided to fix it right there instead of going into the bathroom. (no one else was around). so there i am, my jean dress pulled up, fixing my panties, when 3 hot guys, and one ugly one, walk out of the other bathroom. like, sucked. or something. then they kept looking at me funny across the dining room. i really can't imagine why. after that we went to delphine's grandma's apartment, where i 4got my purse. piss. then we drove around Paris and it was night and it was really pretty.

so, i still ramble, i'm still sarcastic, and i still can't keep track of my purse.
my funniest stories still involve pee-ing of some sort.
i like to think my punctuation has improved a bit...

oh well, what's a girl to do?

Friday, June 02, 2006

attack of the seven foot strep monster

last night, at about nine, my throat started to hurt.
by eleven, i knew something was terribly wrong; i couldn't swallow and i felt like someone had put an expander in my left ear and was trying to make my ear canal bigger--like, big enough for a car to drive through, or something.

i refused to believe that i was sick.
i thought, 'allergies? it must be allergies.'
actually, my roommate suggested that idea, and it seemed like a damn fine idea to me, even though allergies have never made my throat hurt before.

anyway, i took a half dose of tylenol simply sleep and went to bed, trying to think positive thoughts about feeling better in the morning.

it didn't work.
i woke up thinking that my neck and my left ear would actually be bigger than the rest of my head, if i looked in the mirror.
of course, that wasn't the case. but it sure did feel that way.

so i went to the doctor, and as it turns out i have some kind of raging ear infection, and he said he was pretty sure i had strep throat, even though the culture hadn't come back yet.

to which i say--strep throat? are you allowed to get that after the age of ten?

seriously, i think i have filled the strep throat quota for me and at least 10 other people. when i was nine, i caught a strep throat that didn't go away for nine whole months. eventually, they decided to take my tonsils out. they promised i would never get strep throat again.
they lied.

that nine months was especially terrible, because i never got used to the Long Qtip Throat Swabber of Death. I cried about it every simgle damn time i went to the doctor. they used to have to physically hold me down.

as it turns out, i'm still not so good with the throat swabbing.

anyhow, i'm starting to feel like i'm going to fall out of my computer chair, so i better go.

hope everyone enjoys their friday night, i'm going to lay down and die now.